more thoughts

I'm kind of irritated at myself right now. I don't really know why I'm writing this on here lol, but I have a really hard time not expecting things of other people. It all comes out of vanity and pride too, that I think I am somebody worth some kind of attention. It's all quite silly and pretentious, but it is there none-the-less. I have a hard time celebrating in the joy of my brothers and sisters because secretly I envy them. It usually doesn't matter what they are happy about, just that they seem to have something that I don't. I take my eyes of Christ, and I center them on the self again. I am the only one entitled to happiness. lol how rediculous. Any type of joy or happiness is a gracious gift from Jesus Christ! What is there to envy? What do I lack? Foolish, foolish mind! Am I here for the pleasure of myself? Am I here to be happy? I should hope not! Is not even the fool happy in their folly for a time? If as a result of following Christ I become content, then God may be given the glory for it. If as a result of following Christ I am depressed and ravaged by sorrow, may God be given glory for it. Life is too short to focus on such triffles.