Notes from Underground- initial thoughts

I just finished reading Dostoevsky's "Notes from Underground" and found it to be a wonderfully vulgar piece of literature. It did not take me to long into the reading to realize that I myself am an Underground Man not unlike the narrator. I'm not much for reader-response criticism, but this book certainly calls for it. The narrator's self-centric anguish is my self-centric anguish, and his living out of books is certainly similar to my own (of course now days we have infinitely more things to distract us/inhance our fantasies). He is ultimately a man who has not learned self-control in any respect because that is something that is learned through social interaction. He doesn't know how to control his thoughts which are led by his emotions and they ruin him. It is raw uncontrolled anguish centered around the self and his lack of ability to control the circumstances around him to fit with his fantasy. He wants "the beautiful and lofty" and fails to realize that the novels he reads do not reflect the truth of the world but escape to a fascade of idealistic fantasy. and he places himself over others in order to criticize them from his idealistic high rise. You cannot criticize on the same footing.

Is the fate of all cynics? The fact that we have an overly developed sense of self and inflated ideology that has no room for reality to participate or influence it? Perhaps what is "high and lofty" must be made "low and meager". Perhaps we must find a way to live outside of ourselves instead of constantly criticizing from the inside.

Acts of (re)Creation and Destruction

Oh! Athenasius, you give me so many good things to dwell on!!

"the renewal of creation has been wrought by the Self-same Word Who made it in the beginning. There is thus no inconsistency between creation and salvation for the One Father has employed the same Agent for both works, effecting the salvation of the world through the same Word Who made it in the beginning."

Salvation, rebirth, comes about through the same person, and esentially does not salvation come about Ex Nihilo much the same as creation?

"The presence and love of the Word had called them into being; inevitably, therefore when they lost the knowledge of God, they lost existence with it; for it is God alone Who exists, evil is non-being, the negation and antithesis of good."

Athenasius says a few paragraphs later that loss of our analogous relationship to God results inevitably in decay and entropy. A slipping back into nothingness. The antithesis of the work of creation that God has done/ is doing.

I find this all completely facinatiing in that these are the things I have been thinking about lately. Those who are at peace with God and as Bonhoeffer correctly asserts, "only the crucified man is at peace with God" are set about joining God, the creator and sustainer of all things, in his acts of (re)Creation. The opposite holds true as well, those who are at war with God are at odds with the creator and sustainer of all things, and thus cultivate nothingness and entropy.

If that sounds confusing let me know, this hasn't been in the oven very long and might not be fully baked, but ultimately it seems to me that all of mans actions are bound in either acts of creation or destruction. Creative acts are totally and completely the domain of God and we can only join Him in the venture by accepting the Word that creates and recreates and by repenting of our acts of destruction.

I think this is a line of thought that might be worth traveling down as half baked as it at the moment.

books books books

I recently went through all the books I have in my closet and was surprised at how many of them I had not actually read yet, or read all the way through. I guess this is the unfortunate price of buying more than one at a time. Anyway, I recently found my copy of "Radical Reformission" by Mark Driscoll and have been finding it extremely relavent to discussions I have been having lately. I just finished reading this part where he was talking about how some churches value tradition over innovation and that this can impede the gospel from going out. The example that imediately popped into my head (showing how ecclectic my head is, most likely) was that of translating the bible. If we didn't translate the bible from the greek and hebrew, who would be able to read it? We need to translate the gospel into modern day vinacular in much the same way. He also mentions the opposite error of valuing innovation over tradition. When this happens it is inevitable that the gospel will be innovated into oblivion. The gospel MUST nessasarily cause offence to sinful humanity with which it is at odds. So we must stay true to orthodox, traditional christian belief while being inovative in our gospel presentation. On the cover of "radical reformission" it says "reaching out without selling out" and that is exactly the right way to phrase it I think.

"Yesterday, I realized that a lot my opinions about things get in the way of my loving other people. I think certain things are right, and that there is a certain way to do them, and I've been very critical of people who don't see it that way. I think in sense I've been putting the cart before the horse. I have a lot of strong opinions about how I think the gospel and the church should interact with culture but not a lot of interaction. In the very essense of the word I've been a hypocrite."

I posted that way back in Nov. and yesterday realized that I am still in this position. I spent a lot of time this morning praying and repenting of my shallow dialogue disquised as elegant prose. Words without action are usless dribble.

"Oh, but clever words on pages turn to fragments, circles, points and lines,
And they cover them like carpets with graceful, meaningless, ornamental designs."

I've been reading this book called Holy Subversion by Trevin Wax and I like the idea that we are supposed to subvert the idols of our culture. Learning to live in a subversive way is quite another issue though. Its something only the Holy Spirit in me can do for the right reasons. If I were to stop watching movies with any sexual content in them for any other reason than the glory and exaltation of our Heavenly Father then I am being religious and blind. It is like this with every human action, thought, word. It is impossible without God. More on this next time...

A decade of music!

I don't get to do this very often, but this is the perfect excuse to share my favorite albums this year and for the decade!

for 2009:

1. As Cities Burn - Hell or High Water
Oh As Cities Burn, why did you have to leave us? This album came out at the beginning of the year and is still in heavy rotation. There is not a bad song on here. It's kind of a laid back album, minimalistic almost. good stuff though.


2. mewithoutYou- It's all Crazy, It's all False, It's all A Dream, It's all Right
Despite the fact that they change their sound heavily and remove pretty much everything that made them mewithoutYou, this album is really good when you don't compare it with their other albums.


3. Neon Horse - Haunted Horse: Songs of love, defiance, and delusion
This is just fun. Especially Chain Gang, Bang Bang


4. Dagon - Terraphobic
Straight up thrash metal goodness with some insane vocal exchanges between the drummer and the bass player.


5. Gasoline Heart - Nostalgia Ain't What it Used to Be
This is just a great rock record, although I think it's a little over produced. The singer, live, had a bit of a gruffer voice than what is on the record and I liked it a ton better when he sang like that it made the music so much more interesting.




Now, Zack's list of best albums of the decade:
1- mewithoutYou - Catch for Us the Foxes

Hands down, the most listened to album I own since it came out in 2004. I don't even know how many times I've listened to it without skipping a single track. A Masterpiece of music and art. The lyrics are brutally honest about the singer's search for God and he's not afraid to admit that he's a little confused about things and doesn't have all the answers. The music fits so well with what he says too. (only putting one mewithoutYou album on the list to be fair, but you might as well add the other ones here too)

2- As Cities Burn - Son, I loved You at Your Darkest

I know it will surprise a lot of you that this is my #2, but over the years this album has stuck with me and proved itself over and over again. The lyrics are very raw and honest, and the music towers over all the other mediocre metal out there. If you want a record that speaks to your heart as well as some music that is delicious for your ears this is it. I know some people have said that all the songs kind of sound the same, and I'll agree with that to an extent, but with nothing else out there sounding like this I don't see that being a problem.

3- Living Sacrifice - The Hammering Process

Dark gloomy atmospheres and staccato guitar playing. Fantastic. This is my FAVORITE Living Sacrifice album. All of the songs kind of this groove to them that I like a lot. It's not all about how fast they can play or how many notes they can hit. I love it. There is no way to describe this album that would do justice.

4- Zao - The Funeral of God

Good story. Great music. Dan's throat destroying growls sound great. I kind of wish that Steve Albini had produced this album instead of The Fear is What Keeps Us Here though. It would have been cool to hear it with that kind of raw production. Anyway, not a bad song on the album, its straight up unapologetic metalcore that will kick you in the face and leave you in the street. No time for friends.

5- Norma Jean - Bless the Martyr and Kiss the Child

I don't even know how to describe the awesomeness contained here in. I could listen to every song on here all day and not be sick of it. It sticks out from everything else Norma Jean has done.


I know there are a lot missing on here, but I'm at work right now and that's all I can think of off the top of my head. Love you all!

Thought this was interesting...

"What is interesting is that as we grow up our hearts don’t simply mature away from depravity, they simply become more clever at masking and disguising it. Our hearts are filled with envy, comparison, competition about anything and everything."

A truth taken from this article:

http://hv.thevillagechurch.net/blog/hvpastor/?p=353

There's a lot to think about there. I think what this guy says is 100% accurate. A heart ruled by circumstances is never satisfied.

laying it down

Yesterday I realized that a lot my opinions about things get in the way of my loving other people. I think certain things are right, and that there is a certain way to do them, and I've been very critical of people who don't see it that way. I think in sense I've been putting the cart before the horse. I have a lot of strong opinions about how I think the gospel and the church should interact with culture but not a lot of interaction. In the very essense of the word I've been a hypocrite. I've cared more about cultivating my opinions and my stance on things than I have about cultivating my brothers and sisters, investing in them and trying to help them grow. I thank God for bringing me to a place where I feel like I can lay those opinions down for a while, (easier said than done though) and just focus on learning how to love people whether I agree with exactly what they are saying or not. God's already taught me a lot about keeping my mouth shut with things, I guess now it's just time to learn to open it again but only with productive things. I know all of this sounds really vague, but honestly I think it's best that way for now until I can learn not to be so judgemental with things. So, really, that's all I have to say about that for the moment. Prayer would be appreciated. :-D